mostdays: (modern ruby)
[personal profile] mostdays
I love my country. Not Big Flag Love, but bone deep care and compassion. Like all love, this is an awkward and over-earnest emotion. It is not light or manageable. It does not abate when my country acts abominably. It does not allow me solace or cool separation when my country is sickened with malignant corruption and decay. My adoration for the grand dame that is America causes me far more heartache than happiness these days. Better to love in the usual way. To spend this restless energy on hearth and home, on other people -- individuals able to show that they love in return.

On election night 2004, i felt like a teenager waiting by the phone. America did not call. Instead America chose a lying jackass with no sense of humor and a wallet full of credit cards, as women often do. Even so, America deserves better.

Two days ago i stood on the Hoover dam in awe. I did not go there expecting to be moved. I went expecting a big pile of concrete, some water, big electrical lines. What i saw was evidence that the America i grew up believing in – an America of hope and strength in adversity, of towering men and women, of foresight and compassion – did at one time exist. And if it did once it can again.

People haven’t changed much since we first began recording stories. As best i can tell ancient peoples were in all important ways just like us. Sometimes that is a sad thought, because it means the terrible things in our history -- the Holocaust, the Salem witch trials, leg warmers – will all one day come around again. But standing on the Hoover dam, star map at my feet, looking up at those two giant men with their upraised, straining wings, the thought that everything will happen again suddenly seemed not a death sentence but a promise of coming joy.

Let it be soon.

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